Caleb Orion

Well, at my last post, I was impatiently awaiting the arrival of my little boy. Man, I need to be careful what I wish for, or more specific in my prayers--because I paid in getting him here. I've not written about it yet partly because we've been up to our ears in dirty diapers, every 3 hour feedings, nighttime madness, and parenting follies. The other part is that I don't know how much justice I can do in putting it all into words, but I guess I'll try my best.

So, on July 13th, I had a regularly scheduled OB appointment--my 40 week appointment. I figured we'd go in, say "Ok, well...when do you want this baby?!?" and then go home, get our bags, and be on our way to a planned induction for whatever day we chose. WRONG! I got there and my blood pressure was 160/100 (!) and my urine had 3+ protein in it (read--badness, even in the setting of how concentrated my urine was). So, I was pretty much diagnosed with preeclampsia. Really, I wasn't too surprised. I'd ballooned in the last few weeks, my blood pressure had gone from the usual 110s/60-70s to 130-140/80s in the last 2 appointments. The doctor sent us over to labor and delivery straight from the office. She said she would try to spare me the aweful magnesium drip usually prescribed for women with preeclampsia--I was thankful.

We went to L&D (we hadn't brought any of our baby-bags to the appointment--I sent Ryan later to get them). They started pitocin to cause contractions and we were on our way. The contractions started coming every 1-2 minutes but they weren't lasting long and weren't too strong. We went from 11 am-6 pm like that, me having moderate pain that was like strong period cramps, but I was holding my own without any pain medicine. My blood pressure stayed up, so they started the magnesium--but they started it slowly, and I really didn't have the bad effects of it.

At 6 pm, my doctor came in and we decided to break my water. I've seen this done, and I was in complete agreement with that decision, because I still wasn't in a great labor pattern. The breaking of the water wasn't very comfortable, but I knew it wouldn't last long. The doctor and I chatted while we were waiting for all of the amniotic fluid to come out.

And then....all hell broke loose (pardon the expression). I hadn't been paying attention to the heart rate monitor for the baby, but his heart beat went down to the 80s. When the nurse asked me to get on my side, and started getting the oxygen mask out, I knew what was about to happen. I didn't panic, I think I was in too much disbelief. The doctor told the nurse to turn of the pitocin. They had me lie on my other side. They called for terbutaline (to stop contractions). I told Ryan to go into the hall and tell my parents to go to the waiting room. Then they had me get on my hands and knees, butt up in the air in an attempt to relieve what was causing the baby distress. I saw the train wreck coming. Ryan didn't know we were going to have an emergent C-Section until the nurse called somebody else and told them we needed an OR "NOW!" So, they wheeled me down the hall, butt up in the air, to the OR.

We got back to the OR and they took off my home-made birthing clothes (yes, I actually thought I'd get to use them--I'd jinxed myself from the beginning...) and put the monitors over my belly. Heart rate still low. I didn't have any anesthesia up to this point, so they had to quickly do a spinal. They'd discussed putting me to sleep versus doing the spinal, I was telling them the whole time --"I don't care! Just do what you need to do!" In retrospect, I'm thankful that they were able to do the spinal, so I was able to hear the first cries of my precious baby boy. I was calm until they put the sheet up while getting me prepped. After the sheet went up, I started freaking out because it felt like forever since they'd checked the baby's heart rate, and I just wanted them to start the C-Section. They brought Ryan into the room at about the time I was crying, and I was blessed to have him there.

"Feeling" the C-Section was so weird. I was waiting to hear the words that would give me some relief- "uterine," meaning they'd cut into my uterus--usually they get the baby out quickly after this. I could tell they'd gotten him out by the relief of pressure off of my abdomen--it felt SOOO GOOD to have him out of my belly! He didn't cry immediately and they took him back to the warmer to be assessed. I finally heard his gruff, hoarse, low cry and I was just so happy to know at least he could do that. Turns out his APGARS were 4 and 8, and he wasn't breathing at first--he needed CPAP for about a minute to get him going.

It wasn't long before Ryan was able to hold him and bring him back to me to see his little face. I thought he looked pale...but beautiful. It was so surreal and strange to finally see the life that had been growing inside me.

I'm so thankful that I didn't have my water break at home. Caleb's umbilical cord was wrapped from one shoulder across his belly to the opposite hip. I really don't see how that would have fixed itself, or how he would have been successful in navigating the birth canal without impinging on the cord. I fully believe that God's hand was at work through the whole thing-- the pre-eclampsia leading to induction, the induction needing to be augmented by the doctor breaking my water, and the doctor standing right there when his heart rate went down. I'm sure some would say "Well, if you'd done things naturally without all this intervention, then it wouldn't have happened." But I'd like for them to tell me how an umbilical cord at 40 weeks can just magically unwrap from around a baby's body. Praise God.

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. --1 Samuel 1:27

Impatient!

My due date is less than a week away...and I want this little boy to come out! I swore I wouldn't complain at all during this pregnancy, but I really really need to, now! My feet are so swollen, I have carpal tunnel, I'm waking up pretty much every 1-2 hours to pee, I waddle, and I'm huge! I'm ready to get my prize now!

We've tried a couple of things to get this to move along...membrane stripping and something I'm not going to divulge on the internet. My mother and my mother-in-law keep saying "Go walk, go walk!" Um, hello, I swear, by the end of the day, I have edema into my thighs, so, no thanks! Last night was even a full moon, so I thought the moon's gravitational pull might do the trick- NOPE! I was hoping maybe for him to be born today, so that his birthday would be 07-08-09 (that would be a cool birthdate!) But I'm not holding my breath.

My due date is actually the 13th...I have an appointment that day, I'm thinking maybe we'll discuss the "I" word (induction)--hopefully. If that's true, then maybe we can try for a delivery on 7-15, which will be our 3rd wedding anniversary...wouldn't that be a great anniversary present?

Missing the Boat

So, I've not talked much about my plans for having my baby and residency on here, but I think that I have referenced it some. Normally, residency starts for everybody July 1. Since my little guy is due July 13th, I'm going to be starting October 1. Before we had to enter our "Rank Order List" for residency--this is where you put in the places you want to go in order--I called my #1 choice and told them about being pregnant and asked if I could start October 1. They were very accepting and willing to work with me, further confirming that it was the residency for me.

Our residency had orientation though, from June 8-June 30th, which was a little anxiety-provoking for me, because they wanted me to be up there to finish orientation which consisted of multiple certifications in medical stuff and lots of sitting around. I was worried because the new city is around 4 hours away from my current city...so if I'd have gone into labor there, panic would have ensued. Thank God though, I did not. So anyhow, we've been back and forth from residency city to our city, and are finally in our city awaiting the birth of the baby boy.

Yesterday was July 1 though. And up until yesterday, I felt included, like I was doing the "new intern" stuff. But, I sat at home yesterday. While all of my friends started seeing patients for the first time as doctors, REAL DOCTORS. No more of the, "HI, I'm so and so, a medical student working with Dr. _______" They got to say, "HI, I'm Dr. _________ . I'll be taking care of you while you're with us."

I must admit, I feel as though I have missed the boat. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to have the luxury of taking time off and the blessing of having a baby soon (and a bit scared to death too)...but I just know it's not going to be the same starting October 1st. The nurses and other doctors won't necessarily know that I'm the same as a July 1 intern, my fellow interns will probably be settled in and comfortable with much of the day-to-day operations of the hospital and clinic, and then there will be me...new doctor, new mom, terrified person.

Feeling it.

Dear goodness...I feel like a fat cow. I've got 11 weeks left (hopefully!)...or I guess 9 or 10 would be ok with me, ha ha. I just feel huge. My belly that is. I've not gained too much weight this pregnancy-- I'm on track to gain about 30 pounds total, which is normal.

I swear though, I think this child is huge! I've not gained much weight through my body, it's all in my belly. I feel like one of those yucky dog ticks that seems like it will burst as soon as you touch it! My skin seems it's as tight as it will go, and at any second, it might rip down the sides if I touch my belly because the tension is so great.

What am I going to do? I've got alot of time left in this pregnancy! Yikes!

Unexpected Vacation

Ugh. I've been off of school since Tuesday, and I'm not happy about it. This is my last rotation ever as a medical student and I'm working as an "Acting Intern" on Labor and Delivery, how apropos.

I've sworn this child might kill me before he is born, and he might also kill my medical career too. On Monday I had some (well, ummm not totally unprovoked) bleeding and immediately went to my hospital, where they found I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes. Joy. They gave me medicine to stop the contractions and sent me home, to have follow up the next day at my doctor's office.

They monitored me there for a bit, and I was having contractions still, but it didn't really seem like I was in labor because my cervix had not changed. Again, they gave me medicines to stop contractions. Right before they were going to take me off of the monitors and send me home...the baby's heart rate dropped to the 90s a couple of times and stayed there for about a minute (his heart rate is supposed to be 120-160). So, back to the hospital I went for monitoring. Again, a few contractions, and while there, the baby looked fine, so back home I went.

Wednesday, I stayed home all day on "bed rest." My mom came up and waited on me hand and foot, bless her. I had quite a few contractions that day. Thursday home again because they didn't want me to go back to school without being seen at the doctor's office first-- fewer contractions, and I saw my doctor that day. She did a test that can predict the likelihood of labor, and now I'm waiting on those results to figure out what we're going to do about school.

I hate all of this waiting, I feel terrible that I'm not there....I know and understand that the condition of my baby and my pregnancy are of utmost concern, but I feel like such a slacker. I think the people I have been working with are a sympathetic group, and I've been keeping them updated....but ugh, this is killing me. I hate this sitting at home when I know I'm supposed to be somewhere else. And I'm bored. So bored.....

Muncie Match!

Just an update-- I matched at Ball Memorial Hospital in Muncie, IN! This was my first choice on my rank order list (ROL), and I'm very happy to know my direction for the next 3 years. Muncie was the last stop on my 16(!) city tour of interviewing craziness, but I'm glad I held out and went to that one. We really liked the people there, and my husband is super excited about the city, because they have Ball State University, with an MBA program and also this thing known as a business incubator--right up his alley.

Regarding baby business- before both my and the program's ROL were due, I called them up to break the news that oh, I'm having a baby the 2nd week of intern year--surprise! (Well, not surprise for me--baby boy was planned afterall...). I was a little nervous in calling them, but it wasn't too bad, because a resident and grad of UK almost 2 years ago had a baby the first week of internship, and everybody survived. The residency director's first reaction was "What is going on with these UK gals having babies in July!?!" Later on, he remembered to congratulate me, ha ha. I told them that if possible, I'd love to start residency October 1st, allowing me to stay here to have the baby and then move to Muncie in late August/early September. To my surprise, they were totally ok with this and just said that I'd start and finish late--no need to use electives or anything. The only condition was that I try to make the 3 weeks of orientation that take place the last weeks of June....hopefully I can make it! The picture of me, 36, 37, and 38 weeks pregnant trying to do chest compressions as part of the ACLS algorithm is pretty hilarious I think. I informed them I was planning on having the baby here...the residency director goes, "Well, this is your first right? And how far to Lexington? Oh, 4 hours....well, if you did go into labor, you'd probably be able to make the drive!" Ha ha. Let's hope we don't have to cross that bridge. My husband is doing more than hoping that doesn't happen, I think...he may do rain dances or chants to try to ward off the situation.

Below is "The Great Spirit"--a famous landmark in Muncie.

Apparently, the Comments have begun...

Today was a total blow to my pregnant self-confidence. The phase of strangers commenting on my pregnancy evidently has begun, and I'm not happy about it, not at all. What is it about pregnancy that makes people think they have free reign to blurt out whatever they're thinking within their tiny little heads? Normally, would a person start asking random questions of a stranger or try to make jokes regarding their condition so openly? I really don't think so. Even if a person is trying to comment to "make me feel cute, precious, ________, ________" whatever endearing term, I just don't really appreciate the commentary. I've had this huge (pun not really intended) fear of being one of those women who strangers look at and say "Oh, poor thing, she's got to be/looks/is so miserable." I don't want to be huge, I want to be normal and if possible, slightly cute. But, today has almost totally washed that pipe dream down the tubes.

Exhibit #1: I was seeing a 4 year old girl in clinic for her well-child check. Mom, who is 24 with an 8 year old and a 4 year old, half way through me talking to them just blurts out randomly--
Mom--"Are you having a baby?"
Me--"Yes, I'm due in July, it will be my first baby."
Mom--"Well that must be a BIG baby! My sister is due Aug. 10th and she's not nearly as big as you!"
Me--"Well, I'm a month ahead of her...." trying to keep from informing her that I didn't care how big her sister was, and that her sister was probably like 15 or something and not eating appropriately, and trying to keep from asking her if her sister knew who FOB was and all the other mean things I could think of....and also yelling at her for having a child when she was 15.

Exhibit #2: When walking back from the cafeteria at the hospital, with only a bag of Cheez.its and a spoon in hand, one of the crazy security guard people at the hospital says--
Security guy--"See, I told you to watch out about eating the cafeteria food, it's got you all bloated and stuff!"
Me--"Haha..." restraining myself against turning around and punching his teeth out.

Exhibit #3: In the clinic later on, another mother of a patient is in there-she's pregnant with her 4th child. Somebody asks her when she's due...she says May 30th-- a full 6 wks before me, but I swear, I feel that we're pretty close to the same size. I think she couldn't be older than 21....
So later on, I go back to the area where the students, residents, and doctors are sitting and lament the fact that I am feeling like I'm too huge to be barely over half-way through my pregnancy.... a male resident chimes in, genuinely trying to be helpful I think....
Resident--"So when are you due?"
Me--"The second week of July..."
Resident-- "Oh, well, is this your first or second baby?"
Me-- "My first...."
Resident-- pure silence...

The intent here was for him to be able to say, "Oh, well, if it's your second baby, then you're probably fine" or whatever....but this isn't my second.

There are a few things that get me all riled up about all of this stuff

• Firstly, I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HOW BIG MY BELLY IS, OR HOW BIG MY BELLY WILL GET! I'm not eating everything in sight, and I've NOT put on an extra layer of fat. I'm not exercising because I have uncomfortable cramp-like sensations when I walk long distances, but I take the stairs for up to 3 flights, and park kinda far from school.
• Secondly, as I alluded to before--why is it that people think they have the RIGHT and the NEED to comment on my belly? It's MY BELLY! I don't comment on your belly, you don't need to comment on mine. What would things be like if people were going around saying "Hey, your spare tire looks a little inflated today!" I don't think it would be pretty. IF YOU'VE GOT THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW HUGE I AM, KEEP THEM INTERNAL---OR AT LEAST SAY THEM BEHIND MY BACK SO I CAN'T HEAR!
• Comparing pregnant women's bellies is not fair to anybody. We've got a distorted image of how a woman should look while pregnant--all that matters is that I'm healthy and the baby is healthy! And I know, I need to take my own advice and not compare myself to another woman, because I really don't know how big I am or how big I look.
• People can't assume to know how I feel about the way I look. I probably won't agree with ANY comment that is made, positive or negative. Right now, I feel that I'm as big as the broad side of a barn, and I've got 17 weeks to go, God willing.

Ok, I think I'm done ranting--and don't get me started on the rubbing the belly thing!

I need to get a shirt which reads "I don't comment on your belly, please don't comment on mine!"

The Baby? A Boy!

On Monday, we got to see our little baby for the fourth time (more about the inordinate number of U/S maybe in a later post)...but this time, we could actually tell that this "thing" was a baby instead of a blob! I felt like I was meeting somebody so familiar, yet so foreign. It seemed somewhat surreal that I have this life inside of me, even though I've been feeling him move for a few weeks.

I don't know what to say about the ultrasound...I guess I have alot to say, but I don't know where to start. Going into the ultrasound I was nervous and anxious about a number of things. Obviously, being a medical student, I had all of the possible horrors in mind: omphalocele, gastroschisis, diaphragmatic hernia, renal agenesis, anencephaly, spina bifida... and on and on... I've been praying this whole pregnancy that everything is healthy, and it looked like everything was good, praise God!

The other issue was who to have in the ultrasound room. At first, I'd planned on just me and Ryan being there by ourselves--just our little family. But, I started feeling guilty when I could hear the excitement in my Mom's voice regarding the baby. And then, more guilt when I thought about including my Mom, but not having Ryan's Mom there--afterall, this baby is related to them both in the same way. I was mostly afraid that them being there would take away from our experience, and make me feel like the baby was, I don't know, less mine. I arrived at a solution though-- we decided to have Ryan and me (obviously) there for the first few minutes alone, and then to let the proud grandmothers come in and see what was going on. Overall, I think this went well, and I know the grandmothers both really appreciated it.

Ok, so on to more details of the ultrasound--Ryan and I went in and the tech started, and rather quickly went to the "private parts." I think we're in for trouble in the future, cause the baby was showing his goods to everyone! Just hanging out there flapping in amniotic fluid--there was NO QUESTION as to the sex of the baby--boy, boy, boy! Just for the record, I thought the baby was a boy, Ryan thought girl. Ryan actually has had 2 dreams where the baby was a girl, I guess those are for way in the future. My mom thought boy, Ryan's mom didn't know, and most of my friends thought boy. The tech went on to look at other parts, the face, the spine and all of that for a few more minutes. I kept telling Ryan to go and get our mothers--but he didn't want to leave the room (it was so cute!).

When the grandmothers came in, the tech put up a shot of "the goods" to see if they could tell what the sex was, but neither would guess, even though it was evident. The tech finished up looking at all the other parts and measuring. He weighs 13 ounces, and God help me, his head is in the 99th percentile for size! The rest of his measurements were all over the 5oth...ugh, the thought of pushing him out...ouch.

One last comment...I keep thinking that the picture above of him is so funny. He's got his little hand over his face, in what I interpret as a posture of shame. Some theories as to what he's thinking have been as follows:

"Oh great, you're telling me that THESE PEOPLE are going to be my PARENTS?!?"

"Why don't you people just let me go back to sleep?"

"Sheesh, you people don't even knock! You just barge right in without notice..."

News!

I'M PREGNANT!

I've actually been pregnant for, oh, almost 19 weeks now, but I was waiting to say anything until it was pretty much undeniable that I was carrying my own little parasite :)

I posted a few blog entries that I wrote back in Jan. but didn't post because I didn't want to be "public" yet, so for those few readers out there, you can go and check them out.

Also, I will be finding out the sex of the baby on the 23rd of this month, YAY!

More info...I'm pretty sure that I've been feeling the baby for about 2 weeks now, and it's a weird feeling, almost like muscle twitches, but they are kinda jumpy and sometimes surprise me/catch me off guard. I like feeling the baby moving though, because it almost makes me think he or she is communicating with me, and I'm carrying around my own little friend in my belly.

What about residency? I'm hoping to start in October...more details later if people really wanna hear.

Rip OFF City!

I've been using these prenatal vitamins that I had as samples from my OB/GYN. They're the "newer age" ones (I guess) that have added DHA and EPA, which are lauded as the big things in supplements for pregnant and post-partum moms because those fatty acids are supposed to help in nervous system (read=BRAIN) development of the baby. So, I decided to ask for a prescription for them because previously, I had been using the Wally-World generic brand previously.

Imagine my shock and surprise when I paid for my prescription today and it cost $60, with my insurance discount! I get in the car and look at how many capsules were included, I was expecting, oh, say 120....no....there were 30 (!!!!!!!!!!!!) in there. I'll say that again...30! That means each VITAMIN pill was $2. Are you kidding me?

This personally offends me. It's such a fleecing of women, at one of their most vulnerable times in their lives. I can see the vitamin makers now:

Vitamin Maker: But don't you want to make sure your baby's brain develops to the best of its ability? What kind of mom WOULDN'T love her child enough to do that?

(guilt trip guilt trip guilt trip....)

It's disgusting. Of course I want the best for my child. Of course I'm going to try my best to help nurture development of a healthy brain in him/her.... but $2 a prenatal vitamin pill?!? I feel like I SHOULD continue to take the "best" prenatal vitamin...and I have read some of the research on DHA and EPA, but perhaps I should do a little more in-depth reading to find out the quality of the research which has been done.

PS, I wrote this oh, about 4 weeks ago, but have been waiting to publish!

It's Feeling a Little More Real...

Today, I had my 15 week prenatal appointment. Up until now, it's been hard for me to realize that I will be having a real, live child in my arms come July. Although I desperately wanted to become pregnant and definitely want this baby, I still just have been incredulous as to everything going on inside of my body--and to the fact that it may even be going as designed. I still feel that way somewhat, but today, I was confronted with the real possibility at my appointment.

I was called up to the registration desk and they asked me if I wanted to make a payment down towards the delivery. Now, they'd sent me the monthly estimate of what we'd be paying for the delivery of said baby...but I thought that we'd be paying AFTER the baby actually got here. Am I crazy to have assumed this would be the correct timing of asking for somebody to pay for their child? I mean, of course, the thing that goes on in the back of my head is, "Well, what if I don't deliver a term or alive baby?" I just think that having somebody make payments on something that isn't assured is, I don't know, premature? assuming? counting chickens before they're hatched?

The next thought that came into my head was, "Well, I may not be believing that I'm going to have a baby, I guess somebody in this world does...."

Lesson Learned: Make no assumptions about payments on anything, especially not on something that hasn't even been delivered yet!

What It's Worth: Not having a shocked look on my face at my next appointment when they ask for the $100

Again, this one was written oh, around 4 weeks ago...